Hal - Deliberately Basic

Articles abound on the Internet expounding ways to use a camera phone to make life easier and more productive. This is great. Snap a pic of the level where you parked in a parking garage, and other pertinent info to help find your car. You can do the same with your hotel room number, or anything you might think of from book titles to your computer screen.

In fact, the lists are so prevalent, Samsung compiled 101 uses for a camera phone.

Naturally, this got me to thinking about uses 102 and further. What about really unusual uses for a camera phone? For example, personal issues that only you would use. Here then, is a list of things you may not have thought about before.

1) Say you’re out in the woods taking a shit, and a bear comes along. Grab that cell phone and get his picture. That way, the rangers will know which bear left your ass in little pieces.

2) Photograph UFOs you see, to prove you are not in need of medication, or help keep you out of institutions.

3) Suppose you are going to commit suicide by jumping from a tall building. Make a picture of yourself just before you jump off the building, and another on the way down. If the phone survives this will help the police identify what is left of you.

4) Take a picture of your children at the mall or any large place where they could become lost. If they get lost, you can, at your discretion, help to have them returned. Note: Delete those you do not want returned.

5) Annoy your friends with even more of your sorry-ass vacation pictures. Who wouldn’t want to see you standing in front of yet another landmark somewhere?

6) This is an actual (supposedly valid) use for a camera phone. Photograph a coworker doing something weird, and blackmail him. Keep the phone handy as you leave work. You can then photograph him again as he attempts to kill you in the parking garage. Be sure to get the level number or letter where you parked as well.

7) Photograph your wife or girlfriend when she is really pissed-off. Start laughing and show it to her. See number 3 when she dumps you, dumb-ass.

8) Try to get a snapshot of the cop who tasered you. It probably won’t help in court, but you can send it to the same folks who had to look at those damned vacation photos.

Get creative, use your camera phone where no man has gone before. These days that could be a real challenge.