Hal - Deliberately Basic

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
– Mark Twain

To the world, I am two different people. I am an ordinary guy who wears jeans, a common shirt, and comfortable athletic shoes. Under this guise, I get the rote, conventional respect of a blue-collar working man. When I am wearing a suit and tie, I am treated with a most extraordinary respect and made to feel catered to.

I am referring to strangers, waiters, service people, and professionals of every ilk. My friends accept me in whatever garb that happens to be hanging on me at the moment - nudity, thongs, and spandex excluded in most cases. Consider, whether we like it or not, strangers who pass through our lives judge us based on what we happen to be wearing at any given time. Curious soul that I am, I wonder why we are so shallow.

A little research (very little) confirmed what I already knew about dress. There is a lot of rationalization in pop-psychology and self-help books, that prejudging is the natural human reaction to another persons clothes. Bullshit. It is a learned habit, and banal, superficial thinking. As with everything in life, certain exceptions are in order.

Obviously, if you are on a job interview, and the company has a dress code, don’t be stupid. If you disagree with the dress code, don’t go there.

I love those signs in certain restaurant windows, or conspicuously placed on the door as you walk in. “No shirt, no shoes, no service.” I always have the urge to scribble graffiti under it, “No shit!”

In a discussion such as this, very young people looking for identity must be excluded. This is about adults who wear either common comfortable clothing, as opposed to Sunday-Go-To-Meeting’ clothes. Adolescents may wear clothing that is bizarre to adults. I did.

Another view of this is strangers who look menacing. I admit, I prejudge biker types, those who lurk in the shadows, Republicans, or anyone who appears as if they might do me harm. This is called common sense. And this is not the issue.

A few years ago, I happened to be working in a job that required me to wear a suit and tie. One day, while standing in line at a fast-food joint, a man approached me, and started a conversation. As it was, he was a salesman, and wanted to know what sort of work I did.
“I work in commercial real estate” I told him.
“Well,” he said. “Anyone dressed like you are, I assume must be important.” From there the conversation disintegrated. I just smiled, and let him think I owned the company. Even that was more than he deserved.

Over the years, because of my own experience with clothes, I have made it my habit not to judge anyone by the clothes they wear. How often I have met the most interesting people wearing jeans and a sweat shirt. At least give someone a chance to open their mouth before classing them as an untouchable.

Meanwhile, I enjoy the extra attention I get at restaurants and clubs, or most anywhere in public when I wear a suit. Sometimes. I have mixed emotions, from pathos for the little waitress in some choke-and-puke simply trying to get by, hoping for a good tip, to clowning with the concierge at the Ritz who pretends he doesn’t know where the nearest Red Lobster is. And yes, I once had that happen, but I was wearing shorts and sandals. I’m pretty sure he thought I was a just another bum from the street.

What if you could have a DNA test that could tailor a much more precise diet and exercise program for you than anything currently available? This program would be as individual as DNA testing itself. In fact, you can, but, and this is a huge but.

A recent article in Scientific American (December, 2007) addresses this dieting phenomena, pointing out the current state of technology in this field. One of the key points to remember is, this science is not yet advanced far enough to make recommendations.

I did a quick Google search for DNA dieting, and obtained 207,000 hits. Of course this could be narrowed to be much more specific, but illustrates how quickly companies spring up to make a quick buck on current trends.

The U.S. GAO sent in fictitious profiles, along with DNA of customers to an Internet service for testing. The profiles included: A 32 year old male, a 33 old female, and a 59 year old male, all with different heights, weight, etc. The actual samples were from a 48 year old male and an infant girl. All three came back with the same predictions.
Increased risk of:
• Osteoporosis
• High blood pressure
• Type II diabetes
• Heart disease

Most of the information and advice that comes from DNA dieting companies can be found in a trusted health column, either online or in a newspaper. And it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg.

I admit it; I’m a tip addict. Time does not permit me to read everything I’d like to read on blogs, so I have limited myself to a sparse few. Anyone who writes knows what a “hook” is; if they don’t they should immediately learn. The current fashion is ways/tips to do something preceded by a number.

10 surefire ways to lose weight, 20 tips for making your first million dollars, 5 things never to say to the queen of England. Step right up, pick a subject, and find a double-digit article on how to do it, lose it, make it, or screw it. Who can resist a headline that promises to solve the problems you have with a few tips? And what luck that you happened on to this at just the right time.

Catch lines are certainly nothing new. Abe Lincoln was a master at it. The first line of The Gettysburg Address “Four score and seven years ago, our fathers…” is there mama of all hook lines. Imagine if this was written, “Eighty-seven years ago…” etc. Not a lot of punch to that mate, and history would have shelved that masterpiece in a hurry.

Sucker that I am for 40 tips about most anything, I have been lured to read these posts a few too many times, only to find empty promises. Or, so-called tips, that are merely common knowledge to anyone on the planet. I find this especially true for weight-loss tips. If there is anyone, anywhere who does not know that you must eat less and move more, please raise your hand. You must be suffering from cognitive impairment, so get off your fat ass and stop watching Springer.

I cannot leave this post without bringing in my personal superheros, the television news folks. Here is the apex of dumbing-down, condescension, and empty content. I do not need to be told to “avoid going outside during a heavy thunderstorm”, or “smoking has been shown to cause health problems.” Even if you live in the projects and can’t afford to smell bread, you must have heard “consult your family doctor…” before exercising.

Fads and fashion pass like smoke in the wind. Let us hope that in the near future, when you see a “101 ways to…” article it actually has some worthy content to offer.