Hal - Deliberately Basic

I admit it; I’m a tip addict. Time does not permit me to read everything I’d like to read on blogs, so I have limited myself to a sparse few. Anyone who writes knows what a “hook” is; if they don’t they should immediately learn. The current fashion is ways/tips to do something preceded by a number.

10 surefire ways to lose weight, 20 tips for making your first million dollars, 5 things never to say to the queen of England. Step right up, pick a subject, and find a double-digit article on how to do it, lose it, make it, or screw it. Who can resist a headline that promises to solve the problems you have with a few tips? And what luck that you happened on to this at just the right time.

Catch lines are certainly nothing new. Abe Lincoln was a master at it. The first line of The Gettysburg Address “Four score and seven years ago, our fathers…” is there mama of all hook lines. Imagine if this was written, “Eighty-seven years ago…” etc. Not a lot of punch to that mate, and history would have shelved that masterpiece in a hurry.

Sucker that I am for 40 tips about most anything, I have been lured to read these posts a few too many times, only to find empty promises. Or, so-called tips, that are merely common knowledge to anyone on the planet. I find this especially true for weight-loss tips. If there is anyone, anywhere who does not know that you must eat less and move more, please raise your hand. You must be suffering from cognitive impairment, so get off your fat ass and stop watching Springer.

I cannot leave this post without bringing in my personal superheros, the television news folks. Here is the apex of dumbing-down, condescension, and empty content. I do not need to be told to “avoid going outside during a heavy thunderstorm”, or “smoking has been shown to cause health problems.” Even if you live in the projects and can’t afford to smell bread, you must have heard “consult your family doctor…” before exercising.

Fads and fashion pass like smoke in the wind. Let us hope that in the near future, when you see a “101 ways to…” article it actually has some worthy content to offer.

My father-in-law was a Japanese POW for three years, and survived the Bataan death march. After he came home, he slowly integrated into civilian life, and by the time he was in his thirties, he was complaining about the quality of his steak, and fretting about weeds in his lawn. He had the willpower to overcome unspeakable trauma in the war, yet bitch about the insignificant things in life.

This is not to say that he didn’t harbor deep-seated psychological problems from his war wounds. His hurt in that respect was manifested in other ways. The phenomena is, as we age  it’s the little things that get to us. I have observed this happening to me. I look back at some of the terrible times of life and wonder why I’m pissed off at the check-out girl who bagged my groceries wrong.

I was chatting over the fence a couple of years ago with my neighbor. He is in his late seventies, a good and peaceful man. His health has been less than stellar for the last ten years, yet he maintains an excellent attitude. He told me that he had stopped receiving the local paper because it was too upsetting to him. The carrier would not put it exactly where he wanted it beside the door, so he dropped all business with the newspaper.
“Ya know,” he said, “Little things really upset me anymore. I can deal with the big things, but I find myself complaining about the most mundane things you can imagine.”

Every yin has a yang; I’m a Libra, I see two sides to everything. I’m also a grumpy old bastard, but with a possible benefit as a result. A study looking at the connection between personality and intelligence was presented at the American Psychological Association’s 2006 convention in New Orleans. …high scorers tended to be grumpier in the over-60 group.

The next time you see that petulant maturated man with the lugubrious face, remember, it is possible he is lost in deep thought. Perhaps he is calculating exp(log(pi)*e), or theorizing the  perplexity of Essentialism. On the other hand, he could just be a ill-tempered lifelong jerk who hates people and drinks by himself. Either way, he is still a grouchy old bastard.

Another woman handed her son his shield, and exhorted him: Son, either with this or on this. Plutarch - Sayings of Spartan Women

I often wonder how the rest of the world views the American male, especially if they think television reflects society. The pathetic, emasculated chump portrayed as a typical dad, or the constant effort to feminize men does get a bit disgusting.

I hate to see a grown man cry, especially in public. C’mon guys, suck it up and be a man. Didn’t your daddy teach you anything? I know, (Dr. Phil told me) women like guys who are sensitive and cry and release their emotions to the camera. If you listen to the counselors, therapists and post modern shamans, this is the reason we don’t live as long as women. The reason we don’t live as long is because we don’t want to.

What happened to the Teddy Roosevelt, Earnest Hemingway types? I liked these guys. John Wayne, one of the worst actors I’ve ever seen, was nevertheless a stereotypical male 30 years ago. He was a hero to many boys, and though he was a tough guy, he communicated values, a system of right and wrong. Testosterone gets things done. And it should not equate with evil or stupidity.

What makes me so angry I could gargle Drano about all this is, every time we have a catastrophe, every two-bit, half-assed, pop psycho with a doctorate tells us we need counseling to get through it. If somebody passes gas in a school, counselors are brought in. Of course grief needs to be processed, but we need to question, is it real, or media induced grief. And what is the message to the kids? Don’t learn to deal with your problems; someone else will do it for you.

We should be very careful who we talk with when we vent about death and despair. A bad therapist may make your situation worse than it was, and there are indeed bad therapists. If you must, choose one who is right for you.
Grief counseling may work for some, and simply piss other people off. Talking with a friend, a true friend who is concerned and willing to discuss your problems may be all you need. In fact this may be exactly what you need to get through a crisis.

I have seen and experienced some terrible things that people do to each other. What has worked for me to get through these hard times may not work for you. I firmly believe that individuals need individual help, and if you can possibly think about what you need, trust your instincts to find it. You may even need a therapist.

What does all this have to do with pussies? There are times when a man needs to stop crying and take action. Because the news media tells you that you need counseling doesn’t make it so. Whatever happened to “question everything?”

After losing his wife of more than 30 years to cancer, my uncle was a lost soul, in the throes of grief. When I asked him if there was any way I might help, he replied,
“Sometimes a man just has to tough it out.”
And so he did.

Wisdom doesn’t automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles. It’s true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
– Abigail Van Buren

Old fools were once young fools. Wisdom requires the capacity, desire, and willingness to learn, process, and retain. We are all given the external tools to acquire wisdom – organizations, spiritual and ethical institutions, books, conversation, and observation. Most people, as I have observed, have not utilized these tools to a great degree, or not at all. Instead of using what God gave us to develop critical thinking, we have evolved into a nation of opinionatives (my word). Or worse, apathetic and passionless.

After I reached 50, I looked back and didn’t see myself a wiser man, in the sense of imparting wisdom to others. Learning has been an avocation for me, and continues, but true wisdom is more than accumulating knowledge. Wisdom is the ability one has to utilize experience and knowledge with common sense and insight. In fact, I feel less qualified to impart wisdom as I age. Gandhi, the quintessential sage and older fellow said, “It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom.” An interesting article in The New York Times questions that wisdom can even be defined. Note, you must register to read this article.

Many people I know never change their opinion, even in the face of indisputable facts (George Bush comes to mind). For example, do you feel the same about social environment as you did 30 years ago? If your answer was yes you have not learned much, and are not accepting of change. Are you still pissed off about Japanese cars in the US? Your global business wisdom is, generously stated, deficient.

I have known older folks who were exceedingly eager to bestow their wisdom on the young whippersnappers who haven’t lived long enough to learn much of anything. In nearly every instance I’ve seen, their wisdom was a colossal load of bullshit. What these people thought of as wisdom was in fact mere opinion. My opinion on opinions is, no one gives a damn about your opinion unless they ask for it.

I am more than happy to help anyone with my knowledge and experience at this point in my life, but only if I am asked. Qualifying my advice with, “This is what I would do…” or, “In my experience…” is a good lead in to imparting wisdom. This is true even if you are certain of your answer, and you are watching your grown children circling the drain. There is a fine line between the wise and the foolish.